Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
