I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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