I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
