we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
