when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
