so explain again why im purple
no
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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