I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
