Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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