Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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