I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
