I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
