that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
