Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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