You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
God, I missed his penis.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
