i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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