And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
