Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
