omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
