your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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