I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
