wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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