Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You can't just leave with hair like that
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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