she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
