This is not my ceiling
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
