Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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