just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
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I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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