Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
