Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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