Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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