So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
