im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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