I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
