Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
