the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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