the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
