is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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