I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
