well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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