We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
