Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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