i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
