im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
