in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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