I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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