i wish there were pregnant emoticons
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
