the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
