if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
