so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she looked like the before picture.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
