he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
