I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
