Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
