I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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