The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
