You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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