Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
