he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
