A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
