Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
