He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Randomize
