I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
